Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Sadness & Fear Mixed with Hope

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. We're taking one of our 15-year-old girls to a group home in Indiana where she will possibly remain for the next 4 years of her life. And it makes me really sad. For the past several years, my life has been considerably intertwined with hers. We've spent lots of time together, had many laughs, and several good conversations (along with some really difficult ones). I'm sad that it has come to this. I'm sad that her life sucks so badly. I'm sad that she couldn't make things work here. I'm sad that I feel somewhat like a failure, and I'm sad that I have to say "goodbye". And I'm also scared. I'm scared that this won't work. I'm scared that she'll be miserable. I'm scared that she'll want to come home. And I'm scared that she'll feel forgotten. And yet this teensy, tiny part of me remains hopeful in the midst of all this other emotion. I'm hopeful that this is the break she needs. I'm hopeful she will thrive in this new environment. I'm hopeful she will succeed, and I'm hopeful she will finally become who she was created to be.
I pray to God that the fear and the sadness don't choke out the hope.