I was at my small group last night, and we split off into groups of 4 to spend some time praying for one another. One of the girls in my group shared that she recently ended a 5 year relationship with a man. She loved him and wanted to spend the rest of her life with him, yet due to certain circumstances, she decided to end the relationship. She's hurting, she's doubting herself, she's scared, and she's sad (to say the least).
In the midst of her sharing, another person in our group felt the need to continually open her mouth and offer "words of reassurance" to this woman. I couldn't help but internally cringe at some of the trite phrases and statements she was making. WHY DID SHE FEEL THE NEED TO SPEAK AT ALL?
Why do we have such a difficult time being with someone who's hurting and accepting the fact that we have nothing to say that is going to make their hurt go away? It's hard...I've experienced this myself many times. I want to "fix" things, but often life doesn't work that way. Sometimes we're called to just "be" in a space with someone for however long they need us to be there, where words can not only be ineffective, but even more harmful.
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4 comments:
I myself often have a problem with this too buddy, to do is easier than to be.
It helps me to remember that we are called human "beings" for a reason and not human "doings".
I dont know why she felt the need to speak. Sometimes people feel as if they need to fix things quickly in order to alleviate an awkwardness or state of being uncomfortable at the moment. I have been in situations where people just have to say something when it really would be best to just sit with the person and just "BE" with them. For some people that is really hard to see those moments, and even harder to just BE there in silence perhaps, because they just seem to want to fix the situation for whoever is in it. not to make any excuses.
It's funny to me that you would choose this subject to blog about because I've been wrestling with my own tongue lately. I have no idea why we often speak when silence is golden. I have asked God to help me discern when I should speak and when I should just "be." I don't like to fix things otherwise there wouldn't be so many broken areas in my life. But I often insert my two cents worth when my presence alone is sufficient. This entry is a lesson for us all.
The other day while I was on the phone I literally grabbed my lips and held them together because I kept wanting to talk. This last week has been a hard one for me as I have had a friend lose a set of twins (conjoined) to miscarriage and a friend who caught her husband cheating on her. And, it was the hardest thing in the world because I have never been there and I didn't want to say something stupid. So hard to keep your mouth shut. God helped me to just listen and not speak unless I felt like it was something worthwile.
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