We All Need Some Solitude....

Sometimes the pressure of life feels very heavy. I often find myself in these moments craving to get away, to be refreshed, to spend some time in solitude. I've been feeling this way for a few weeks, and was able to spend some time this past weekend on my own. I wish I could tell you all the big & small ways that I felt God's Spirit breathing new life into me....maybe a few pictures can speak louder than words...

Wisdom Is...

7th-8th grade girls Bible study was quickly turning to chaos last night. Not only did we start late, but all the girls were drawn to the bank of windows in the office several times as a fight broke out on the street below. Even with all our prodding, begging, pleading, and threatening, we couldn't tear them away :) Finally things died down outside, but the girls were too wound up at that point to do much "listening". So, we decided to have a "wisdom fashion show" (In case you can't guess, wisdom was the topic of our Bible study.) The judges provided some background music as the girls walked back and forth across the room, pausing to finish the statement, "Wisdom Is...". It made us laugh, and was a lot of fun, and even somewhat profound! One of our young ladies made the statement, "Wisdom Is like clothes; you wear it around all day long." I was literally stopped in my tracks when she said that. Out of the mouth of babes, right?

I AM AN AUNT!!!!

Laid Back Summer...

My work hours are different in the summer than during the school year. I go in earlier, and get off earlier. This also means that the kids in our program have more time on their hands once our program lets out at 2:30 every day. One of the benefits of living in the neighborhood where I work is the kids I see all the time also have access to my home; they can pop by for a visit. They definitely take full advantage of this during the summer. Almost every day there's a group of girls asking, "Can we come over today?" I tend to limit them to 1-2 days per week because: A. I'm pretty busy and am sometimes not even home until late in the evening, and B. For my own sanity :)
Three girls have been asking all week to come over, and today was their day! We talked, played a game, baked cookies, and watched a movie. As we were baking the cookies, I made a comment about something (I don't even remember now what it was about), and one of the girls replied, "You really like Jesus, don't you?" I looked at her and said, "Yeah...I do. I think He's worth liking."
That was it. End of that part of the conversation. Yet as I sit here now, a little later, I can't help but think what a blessing it is to be able to live close by, allowing my life to be accessible.

I got a dog!

My new puppy's name is Dexter. (I know, kind of nerdy, huh? :) Besides not getting any sleep the first night I had him, things have been going pretty well. He tries to eat everything (except his food), chews on any shoe he can find, and whines his head off when I leave the house. Taking care of a puppy is a lot of work! I feel like I just had a child...

Small Group Fun!

A little over a year ago I joined a community group at my church. It's been a process of learning, growing together, and being challenged. And, of course, we take some time for a little good old fashioned fun every once in awhile, too :)

Takin' It Back :)

Don't you just love when you come across old pictures from high school? :)

S-O-U-L-M-A-T-E

There's this beautiful song that I've been listening to lately by Natasha Bedingfield called "Soulmate". Here are some of the lyrics:

Incompatible,

It don't matter though.

'Cause someone's bound to hear my cry.

Speak out if you do,

you're not easy to find.

Is it possible

Mr. Loveable is already in my life.

Right in front of me

or maybe you're in disguise.

Who doesn't long for

someone to hold

who knows how to love you

without being told.

Somebody tell me

why I'm on my own,

If there's a soulmate for everyone.

Here we are again,

circles never end.

How do I find the perfect fit?

There's enough for everyone

but I'm still waiting in line.

Most relationships seem so transitory

they're all good

but not the permanent one!

Vacation Time!

I'm headed out of town this morning for a much-needed vacation. I'm ready to get out of the city for awhile, be refreshed, and spend some time with my family. I was at work yesterday, and it was so hard to stay focused! All I kept thinking was: I'm leaving tomorrow...I'm leaving tomorrow...Vacation...ahhhhh.... :) Pray that this time will be "medicine for the soul"....

The Hunt Pays Off

I ran into a friend of mine who has been going through a rough patch lately. He's been out of a job for awhile now, but been searching relentlessly, putting in applications any and everywhere. I saw him today and he told me that HE GOT A JOB! I let out a whoop and couldn't stop smiling! I was so proud of him, happy for him, and loving the smile that he couldn't get off his face :) Sometimes in the midst of all the mess it's really good to have some news that puts a smile on your face and makes you feel proud of someone.

Differing Perspectives

I went out to lunch with a couple of teen girls today that I haven't spent time with in awhile. We had a nice time, but as with many of my encounters with them, I walked away thinking, "Is this really my life?" :)
We talked about a lot of things, and they ranted and raved about several different situations in their lives. I finally stopped them and asked, "Don't you ever just get tired of it all?" "Sure", they replied, "that's why we're trying to do something with our lives." That made me pause, because I often feel frustrated with the fact that they seem to be doing nothing with their lives. Apparently they think they are. So who's right? Obviously we are both looking at it from a different perspective...
You do what you know. So maybe, in their eyes, at their age, they're already going "above and beyond" what they've seen those before them do. In their eyes, they are "doing something with their lives".
Maybe instead of always wanting, pushing, and encouraging them to do more, I need to start with acknowledging what's already being done.

The Church Prays...

Church was "good" today. I joined the service team, and today was my first day being an "official greeter". It was the kind of day where you don't really expect many people to come out; rainy, dreary, and cold. Yet, in people came, one after the other, all in fairly high spirits too! I tried really hard not to, but couldn't help but laugh at some of the people who came in with their hair sopping wet, or rain dripping off their glasses, with looks of "What was I thinking coming out in this!" on their faces. It was nice to see people and say hello as they came in. I kept thinking to myself, "Man, there's a lot of people I don't know!". I guess I have some work to do....
Towards the end of the service, our Pastor had everyone stand up who works with youth in our city. Being in that category, I stood up and found myself quickly surrounded by people laying hands on me in prayer. My first thought was, "Wow...this feels kind of uncomfortable." My second thought was, "Wow...I really need this!" For the past several weeks I've been very discouraged, and I haven't really even known what to pray for. It was a blessing to have the CHURCH surround me and PRAY without even knowing me personally, or my exact circumstances. To have people pray on my behalf for things that maybe I can't even pray for myself right now.

Here's to Friendship

Good friends are often hard to come by. Good friends who can also give good counsel, ask thought-provoking questions, and challenge you, are even harder. I found myself sitting at my friends' kitchen table last night experiencing just this. A quick stop by their house turned into a 3 1/2 hr. conversation, over the course of which I was forced to think hard about some things that I needed to, yet didn't even really realize it. I walked away from the conversation not necessarily "settled" about everything, but definitely mulling over some well-timed questions that were asked.

Sadness & Fear Mixed with Hope

I'm not looking forward to tomorrow. We're taking one of our 15-year-old girls to a group home in Indiana where she will possibly remain for the next 4 years of her life. And it makes me really sad. For the past several years, my life has been considerably intertwined with hers. We've spent lots of time together, had many laughs, and several good conversations (along with some really difficult ones). I'm sad that it has come to this. I'm sad that her life sucks so badly. I'm sad that she couldn't make things work here. I'm sad that I feel somewhat like a failure, and I'm sad that I have to say "goodbye". And I'm also scared. I'm scared that this won't work. I'm scared that she'll be miserable. I'm scared that she'll want to come home. And I'm scared that she'll feel forgotten. And yet this teensy, tiny part of me remains hopeful in the midst of all this other emotion. I'm hopeful that this is the break she needs. I'm hopeful she will thrive in this new environment. I'm hopeful she will succeed, and I'm hopeful she will finally become who she was created to be.
I pray to God that the fear and the sadness don't choke out the hope.

"Church" as it should be...

I feel like I've blogged about my church a lot lately, but somehow, I keep having these thoughts that are spurred on by that venue. Take this morning, for instance. Every so often Pastor Peter has an "altar call" (I know, many of you simply cringe when hearing those words :) But the thing that's so refreshing is that people don't bow their heads. They don't close their eyes, "praying" for those who may come forward when really we're all just dying to peek ;) Rather, we're told to keep our eyes open, to look around, to SEE who's coming forward. "Why?" you may ask. Because faith isn't simply a private thing; it's also a community thing. Sure, it's probably scarier for the person coming forward...but it's also way more rewarding. Because it doesn't just stop there. Once people come up, Pastor Peter calls on us, the "church" to also come forward and surround them, committing ourselves to walking with them on this new journey. By going forward to surround them, one is committing to exchange phone #'s, get together for coffee, email, etc... and walk with this person as they begin to discover who Jesus is!
I don't know if my period's coming or what, but I sat there this morning and teared up as I watched 30+ people, the "church", surround the 5 people who had gone up front. This sense of immense joy filled me as I saw a beautiful example of what I believe the church really should be...

"People confuse RELIGION (Morality) with GOD...and walk away from them both."

Religion vs. Gospel

"We prefer religion over the Gospel because if we follow all the rules, we then think we have a 'claim' on God. We think we have earned certain 'rights'..."

Are we followers of a religion, or of Jesus? My pastor posed this question to us this morning...here's a few "telltale signs"...

1. If you follow religion, you trust morality; if you follow the Gospel, you trust Jesus.
2. If you follow religion, there are good and bad people; if you follow the Gospel, we're all bad people.
3. If you follow religion, love is based on obedience; if you follow the Gospel, obedience is a result of love.
4. If you follow religion, one's goal is to get "gifts" (knowledge, understanding, etc...); if you follow the Gospel, you know that God is the gift!
5. If you follow religion, it ends in pride and despair; if you follow the Gospel, it ends in humility and joy.

The Battle of Trust

“We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy”

It was hard (and still is), but I finally did it. I admitted to myself that I don't trust God. Not really. I may say I do...I may think I do...I may even look like I do. But when it comes down to it, I want to be the one "running the show". I came to this realization due to the fact that I've been spending a lot of time thinking and praying about the young lady I mentioned in my previous blog. I needed to come up with a plan, with an idea of how I was going to help her. I knew that God wanted me to give Him enough credit, so to speak, to know that He could handle things. But then I freaked out. Because part of trusting someone is believing in them and what they are doing even when I don't understand, and even when, God forbid, I don't "like" it. I freaked out, because all along I've been saying "I trust you, God". I know You're going to do big things in this girl. I know You're going to help her get her act together and go on to graduate from high school, go to a great college, get a job she loves and excels at, marry a man who respects and loves her, and so on and so on. "I trust you, God". (When what I really meant was, "make sure my plan for her happens, okay God?") And, of course, God, in His not so subtle way, showed me that my so-called "trust" was really just a way of manipulating myself into believing that I had conquered the ever-present battle of what it means to trust. I freaked out, because God reminded me that maybe, just maybe, His plan isn't my plan. That maybe, this girl won't graduate from high school. Maybe she'll get pregnant and be lucky to finish her GED. Maybe she won't go to a great college. Maybe she'll be on welfare. Maybe she won't marry a man who loves and respects her. Maybe she'll go from one boyfriend to the next, forever seeking that love and affirmation. And yet, if the latter is true, does that make God any less "trustworthy"? Because, let's face it. In my mind, option #2 sucks! There's no way you could convince me that it would be better than what I've dreamed up for her. And yet, even if #2 ends up being the reality, is God still in control? Is His plan still intact, or did it somehow get thwarted?

I was sharing some of this internal battle with a friend of mine, and he said something that I'm trying to hold onto right now. He said that due to the fact that I'm human, (oh...right...sometimes I forget that :), I have such a limited view of what reality is. I see this situation and without doubt think that path #1 is the best option. But when it comes down to it, I see a minuscule speck. Somehow, God sees it all, and knows how He is going to be able to bring the most glory to Himself. Even if it is through a girl who drops out of school, gets pregnant by 16, and lives on welfare for the rest of her life.

Lost Dreams in the Reality of Life

Some days are really hard. Some conversations are even harder. I got together with one of our highschoolers last night who has basically dropped out of everything good for her (including school). It can be very frustrating talking to a teenager. They tend to see everything in the here and now, and don't realize that yes, I might actually have some insight into their future (and what it's going to take to get them where they say they want to be). I haven't been around all that many years yet, but I have seen my share of kids fail; I've seen them lose interest in things, follow the path of those before them, and land themselves in a really dire situation. This girl was one who I genuinely believed was going to "make it", in spite of all the crap surrounding her. There's something in her that has always out-shined those around her. Yet after my time spent with her last night, I came home really depressed. Her dreams are fading fast, and I don't know what else to do to help revive them.

Adventures in Babysitting :)

I was babysitting a few nights ago for a 6 year-old girl and her 4 1/2 year-old brother. I asked the little girl what she wanted to be when she grew up, and she replied, "A makeup artist." Hmm...that's cool, I thought. She then pulled out this giant case of makeup and said, "Want me to do your makeup?" "No," I thought, but instead replied, "Sure! That'd be great!" So, she proceeded to put about 5 different colors of blush on my cheeks, bright pink lipstick followed by some gooey lip gloss (which, by the way, she sneezed directly in before applying to my lips) on my lips, 10 shades of eyeshadow on my eyes, purple goo on my eyebrows to "keep them in place", and she topped it all off with sparkly pink fingernail polish on my nails. Boy, did I look good! And what was the 4 1/2 year old boy doing duirng all of this, you might ask? He was giving himself a makeover...and he might've just given me a run for my $ :)