Laughing In The Dark

"Some days
are dim
as alleyways
where the streetlights' glow
can't reach
and laughter
is the one and only spark
luminous enough
to pierce
the dark."

Too Close to Home

It's always easier when it's just a random family on the news. I see their grief, and I may even feel a twinge of empathy for them before I move on to my own busy day. Yet when it happens to a family I love and care deeply about; when a 23 year old young man I know is killed, gun violence stops being just another statistic or late-night news story. It's real, it takes lives, and it tears families apart.
I walked down the block today. A lot of the family members were there sitting out front. I gave some hugs, sat down and talked to a few people a bit, and loved on a baby. I felt so incredibly helpless! There was absolutely nothing I could say in that moment that would make anyone feel better or lessen the pain of this loss.
So I sat in the chair out front, loved on the baby, and prayed.
In moments like these, that has to be enough.

It Starts with 1

I've been feeling a sort of heaviness lately for our kids, especially the girls that we work with. My mind has frequently over the past few days been going to a place of "mourning", so to speak. I feel as if there's a complete lack of spiritual interest in our kids, and it scares me. I keep thinking about that passage in the Bible where God is ready to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah (Gen.18-19) and Abraham goes to God pleading for the people. He doesn't want the righteous to get destroyed with the wicked. They go back and forth, starting with 50 people all the way down to 10, and yet even that number proves to be too large; the city is destroyed. The city was spiritually dead! I don't want to lose an entire generation of our kids because they are spiritually dead. I've begun praying that God will raise up 1 girl amongst our group to be the leader for the rest; to be the one who will stand in the gap and challenge her culture, her friends, and even us "leaders".
It was stated to me the other night that often people tend to grow in their faith due to what they see and are challenged by in their peers. I don't want to settle for mediocrity. I believe that our kids can be passionate and excited and growing in their journeys with Christ. And I want to pray to that end.

Mackinaw Island

I went camping for a few days over the 4th with a friend of mine, Sarah. We had a lot of fun! I just now got around to downloading some pictures of some of the adventures we had, so enjoy :)

How Do I Explain When I Don't Understand?

I went out to dinner tonight with 2 girls who I try and do something with at least weekly. It had been awhile since we'd "hung out", and I was really looking forward to it! We ended up having a really fun time together; they make me laugh :)
Towards the end of dinner, the question of God's "punishment" came up, and a pretty good discussion ensued. It all started with one of the girls asking a hypothetical question: What did I think God would do to punish us if we left the restaurant without paying the bill? I proceeded to explain that personally, I don't think there's a "rule book" that God follows for things like that. It's not like if we steal a pack of gum, later that day someone will make fun of us, yet if we steal an entire wallet, we'll get hit by a car.
If, hypothetically, we left without paying the bill, absolutely nothing bad could happen to us. Also if, hypothetically, we left without paying the bill, we could get into a car accident on the way home. Does that mean in the first instance God is "letting us slide", while in the other He's "punishing" us?
I told her that, unlike people where our tendency is if you hit me I'll hit you back, God doesn't necessarily work that way. Yes, our "wrong" does disappoint God, and probably even makes Him angry. We'll often face consequences for our bad decisions, yet sometimes we may not. As far as my experience goes, there's no "science" to God...He's a bit more complicated than that.
Sometimes, like tonight, after a conversation like this, I walk away feeling completely inadequate in my understanding of God. Yet I like questions like this...it makes me think, even though I don't have any really "good" answer...

To Go or Not To Go

Do you ever find yourself driving to church on a Sunday morning, only to feel yourself becoming extremely envious of those who aren't headed there? You know...the people out for a jog, or on a leisurely bike ride; the ones enjoying brunch at an outdoor cafe, or all packed up and headed for the beach? Last night I decided that I was going to be one of those people that everyone else gets envious of :) I slept in until 10:00 a.m., made myself pancakes for breakfast as I watched the news, and then headed out for a bike ride (on my newly purchased bike as of yesterday!) There was only 1 problem: I felt kind of guilty. For various reasons, I haven't been to my church since the end of May. And well, now it's July. I'd told myself earlier in the week that I was going to suck it up and go today, yet somehow when I got home late last night, it didn't seem all that appealing. So, I didn't. I mean, is it really beneficial if I'm only going to church out of a sense of guilt? I know, I know, now I sound like I'm trying to justify myself, and maybe I am. Regardless, I did spend 3 great hours down by the lake biking, soaking in the sun, and enjoying the scenery. Maybe that was just the kind of "church" that I needed today.